Some Christmas thoughts
I remember when I was a wee child, tearing apart Christmas wrapping and finding a cool new video game or Lego set or action figure, overjoyed at what I had in front of me, possibly bitchy because there was something I wanted that inevitably I did not get. All the while, I would tear open a box to find some article of clothing, tossing it aside as if there had been nothing in the box.
In recent years, I was actually more excited/thankful to open a present and find inside a pair of pants or nice buttoned shirt, or a book I had been aching to read… all the while casually adding a game or CD to my list and not really caring whether I got those things or not. Quite the opposite mentality from my childhood years.
This year, I honestly had a LOT of trouble figuring out what I wanted for Christmas this year. It seems that clothes are now a given regardless each year, but beyond that I didn’t really want anything. Finally I settled on a Playstation 3 – as I hadn’t had a new game system in a couple of years – as well as a few knick-knacks. I just opened all of my presents today and got everything I (grudgingly) asked for, yet most of the joy seems to be gone from Christmas this year.
It could be a multitude of things. The dreary weather has done nothing to lift my spirits. Of course, there is also the predictability of knowing what I’m getting. I think mainly though, I’m missing my family pretty badly. This will be the fourth Christmas that mom and I have spent either by ourselves, or with someone else. Mom and I both hope that someday, everyone will put their petty fucking differences aside, quit living in the past, and enjoy themselves and love one another, as families are supposed to do.
This should be a happy time of year, but I feel unbelievably depressed. I know it will all pass soon enough, and I at least know now what my priorities are in terms of the holidays. (Just another part of growing older, and maybe wiser.) I want to celebrate togetherness and happiness as I used to. I want to smile and laugh and watch sports on TV with my cousins and be a lazy bum from having eaten way too much food. Someday, I even want children of my own, so I can admire their expressions as they enjoy their first holidays, tearing apart boxes, glowing over that one toy they wanted, them whining to me why they didn’t get a particular toy – as I would have at their age, me laughing inside as I explain to them how Santa, like the rest of us, is only human and is occasionally forgetful and pressed for time. 
Enough ranting from me. I wish you all a wonderful holiday, and I hope you all realize the true importance of these times – lessons of togetherness, happiness, and cheer that should be applied to every single day of the year.
